Feeling the Moment of Not Good Enough

Feeling-The-Moment-Of-Not-Good-Enough

 

Have you felt that moment of panic? You know, the moment of not good enough.

When Stacy Julian of Big Picture Classes asked me to share a scrapbook page and a photo tip for National Scrapbook Day my moment hit. I was flattered and honored and then panicked.

I love photography. I love telling stories. I love putting my stories and my photos together. But let’s just be honest, I haven’t done much of that lately. I’ve got a million reasons, some legitimate and some are lame. I won’t bore you with those details.

So I went into crazy mode.

I opened Photoshop. I looked at the screen, begging it for inspiration and nothing arrived.

I opened Lightroom. I looked through my photos. There was no inspiration in the 30,000 photos that stared back at me. Lots of stories and lots of smiles, but not an ounce of inspiration.

I closed the computer and I stepped away. With a few days before my deadline. I’d think on it as I looked around for my scrapbook skills.

And then I went into cleaning mode.

I organized my desk looking for inspiration. It wasn’t buried under papers nor was it buried in the dirty clothes I threw in the wash after I tackled the office.

A day passed and I wasn’t any closer to meeting my deadline, but I could feel the pressure of the looming monster!

I thought about going to Pinterest to look for my inspiration. Then I talked myself out of heading down that rabbit hole! I’d spent time there before wondering how people created their layers of gorgeous beauty knowing it always looked like on a messy clump when I tried it.

The deadline monster was looming large. I had to get on this…fast!

So I looked for inspiration where I knew it had once been. I hooked up THE OLD external hard drive and dug through the files. There it was. Page after page of inspired words and photos. Pages from an era when my time was portioned differently and a little boy still needed a nap.

 

Hello!

From the moment Stacy and I exchanged emails I’d shifted this slightly off-kilter mind of mine into thinking SHE (and the rest of the scrapbook world) wanted to see the same thing “everyone” else creates. I’d stripped myself of MY STYLE and MY CREATIVITY burdened by the beast of not good enough.

 

GET OVER YOURSELF WOMAN.

My creativity doesn’t reside in the place of buttons, ribbons, and pretty paper. Nope. I can appreciate the beauty of all of those things, but they aren’t me. My creativity and my passion exists in pixels and dirt and light and simplicity. I’d rather have a beautiful photo with one word on the page than mess with layers and brads. I appreciate them. I love them on your stuff. But they aren’t me.

And then it happened. I spewed words onto a page. I found THE photograph I wanted. And they became the perfect page. The perfect page for ME. And that, my friends is what matters most! THAT my friends is were my inspiration had been hanging out all along.

KatrinaKennedy_NSD2014ftw2

 

White background thanks to Photoshop. Simple photo template from Liz Tamanaha. Signature by Ian. Goatee courtesy of a drumstick.

 

Funny what happens when you are true to yourself!

Have you been in the moment of not feeling good enough? Do you compare and search for inspiration, ignoring WHAT YOU LOVE? In the comment below, let me know where you go to get real.

I’ll draw one lucky winner from the comments who will receive the Studio Calico Project Life ™ Cuppa Kit.  Know that I gently rifled through it searching for my inspiration! It’s beautiful, complete (except for one card I’m keeping) , and deserves a home where it will be loved and cared for. Entries close Sunday, May 4th at 9PM Pacific.

 


13 Comments

  1. Britanee

    Katrina, i loved this! while i love to scrapbook (which you can attest to), it ultimately comes down to the story-the words and the picture(s). there are times when i can fill up a page with beautiful papers & elements/embellishments and other times when the picture tells the story and the page is kept very clean & minimalistic.

  2. Lydia Rodriguez

    I always go to my children. Their interests,hobbies and down time are all photo worthy. They keep me real because I know they are what matters most. Without them I wouldn’t have the glorious title of Mother. One day their little faces will be grown and they’ll be off living their own lives. But, for the moment any little detail in their life is so important to me and I want to capture it all and soak it all in.

  3. I love this. True true true.

    I love kids. They were my day job, even before I had my own. I took many many photos of students in my preschool class and children I nannied for, even before I had a “nice” camera. I love being on their level, capturing their perfect laugh… or rolled eyes. Once people actually started asking me to take photos of their children, and capture those moments for them, I immediately felt not good enough. Something about the pressure of needing an end result is too much. It took a lot to remember that I do this for fun and out of passion. If someone sees something they love in my photos, what I can give to them is what I give to myself, a still moment in time. And if it is not good enough? I’m trying to learn that’s on them, not me. :)

  4. Sherry

    I started reading this page and couldn’t stop, even though I don’t know you or Ian personally. I feel like I know him now, though and he reminds me of a boy in my life. Thanks for the reminder. I love to look at other scrapbookers for inspiration but when I get my picture/s in front of me that’s when I begin to get inspired for the page I am working on! From there I just rehearse paper and embellishments until I have the combination I like.

  5. Diane downs

    I was just in that place of not good enough less than an hour ago. I’m catching up on my project life spreads and the last thing that meds to be done (for the whole year to date, mind you) is the embellishing. I love the looks of PL spreads like Ali Edwards. So full of texture and interest. I just can’t pull it off. I second guess every decision. My solution is just walking away. Snuggle with my husband or kids, go on a photo walk in my garden. And try to remember its about the stories and the photos. That’s all that really matters

  6. Beautiful in its simplicity! I think it’s perfect. Where do I go to get real? To friends, to family, to blog readers who have become like friends and family, to anyone who appreciates my work and loves what I do.

  7. Your message is so meaningful, especially today with the thousands of inspirational layouts being posted. Be true to yourself. Thank you.

  8. Sorry forgot to answer before I hit submit.

    I do search for inspiration but mostly when making cards. In those cases I want the “pretty” instead of the story. I usually go to Pinterest.

  9. Theresa

    I love to look through galleries and pinterest for inspiration. My end result rarely looks the same. Seems like the inspiration just gives me a starting point but then I take a lot of detours along the way, but that’s ok – as long as it clicks in the end!

    Love your credits……”goatee courtesy of a drumstick”

  10. AJordan

    Beautiful! Your page turned out great – love the simplicity and your narrative! My family calls me the memory keeper. Our daughter,16, still loves to sit and flip through the pile of albums. I’m new to the 365 this year. I really love all the tips and your posts always seem to come just when I need a little inspiration!

  11. It’s a lovely layout, and your story of how it came about is beautifully written. Thank you for sharing, it makes us all feel less vulnerable

  12. Laurel

    Hi Katrina–LOVED THIS!!! Man, do I ever get it. I can totally imagine how you felt even though I haven’t had the exact same situation. I look at galleries and constantly LOVE what I see, but feel that I could never be as good as “insert name.” I have loved following the layouts on the 10K challenge. My stuff really is good enough. CT worthy? Probably not. But it’s me, and it’s enough-capturing the story and feeling and moments. I love your simplicity and honesty. Thanks for keeping it real.

  13. Rhadonda

    Well i am too late to the party for the Calico kit, story of my life. But i loved this post. So needed to hear “get over yourself woman”. I so long for validation from people in so many areas of my life. But i am telling you i am learning through this process of 365 to begin to embrace what I like, what I want to photograph with no apologies. Which in turn is going to also transfer how i scrapbook them. I too am now desiring simple, photo focus, the story that i want and be done. (of course hundreds of dollars later with supplies!) If only we knew then what we know now ( : Thanks for sharing so honestly.

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