10 on 10 | Create With Childlike CuriosityPosted by Katrina Kennedy on Apr 10, 2017 in Blog, Personal | 6 comments
When I began taking a photo a day in 2008, I began to see the world differently. After a few days of intentionally taking photos things began to transformed. I noticed light I hadn’t seen before. I saw details I had overlooked before. Colors became more vibrant. Shadows grabbed my attention. The world had a a new luster.
I was eager to create. My enthusiasm felt childlike.
Over time, the habit of taking a photo a day became just that, a habit. The luster wore off. It became mundane. Some days my photos were just done. Nothing more, nothing less.
I grieved the loss of my childlike enthusiasm. I struggled to find it, but it alluded me.
Until this month.
Life changed. Life changed in a big way.
Headed out early in the morning for another test.
Faced with unexpected open heart surgery for a congenital heart defect, I’ve been through a range of emotions. I’ve cried ( a lot). I’ve questioned why me? I’ve been angry (a lot). I’ve denied there is anything wrong, claiming, “I feel fine.” Okay, I do feel fine, but there is something up.
The necklace I had to cut off before a Transesophageal echocardiography. I’d worn it for 12 years. A big knot made it impossible to take off.
In an effort to counter all these feelings, I knew I had to do something. I knew I had to work through the emotions, but my destination needs to be a positive place. A place that gives my body the extra chance at healing. A place that is a little easier for my family to share with me.
So, I decided to focus on things that make me happy. So I did laundry with happiness because I LOVE when laundry is done. I really love it.
Sometimes your photo of the day just captures the details of the day in a non glamourous way. Notice the cameras?
I watched movies. I dug in the garden. I wore my pajamas all day.
All this while i was being poked and prodded with tests to determine just what was wrong with my heart. An angiogram left me tired and unable to life more than five pounds for the last week. No big camera for me.
And then I stepped into #The 100 Day Project. The idea? Create one thing a day for 100 days. I’ve been doing a 365 project for eight years, why not try 100 days of something?!
I took the advice to do something that felt almost silly. Something that connected with my childhood. Something that almost embarrassed me. I wanted to create. I wanted to learn. I wanted to dive in which childlike curiosity.
So I’m painting. I don’t know how. I don’t know the terms. But I’m doing it.
Learning as I go.
My first painting.
And my second. I thought about it all day. I was so excited to get the time to create. I hadn’t felt that emotion in years.
I’m hiding a little message under the layers of color. Just a little note of encouragement. A reminder about the process of painting…and open heart surgery.
I know what 100 days of something feels like. It won’t always be easy. It won’t always be fun, but I plan to continue to approach it with curiosity and kindness.
And I know that sometimes I’ll cover up everything I’ve done to reveal something else.
And we’ll just see where this takes me. It’s bringing me great joy. Creating to create. No other reason.
And there you have it, my #100daysofmyopenheart, you can see the growing collection on Instagram. I’m loving learning as I go. I’m making mistakes. I’m covering up and settling with what I’ve got. I’m enjoying the practice over perfection. And I’m reminding myself of that, over and over.
It’s about creating. And seeing.
I can do that with a camera. And I can give it a try with a canvas. It might just change the way I feel about my photography again too. And tomorrow I’ll be able to pick up my big camera again!
Thank you for sharing this journey with me. Now visit my friend Chloe to see her 10 on 10.